


Agape of Viktor Nikiforov

by Rogue_Titans_Feelings



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, My take on Viktor's POV during episode 12 confrontation, angst with happy ending, everybody clap for my fam Louise for making me post this shitty episode 12 feels induced fic, y'all are free to makkachoke me after reading this thank you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:30:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8996329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue_Titans_Feelings/pseuds/Rogue_Titans_Feelings
Summary: If it's for your love, you're willing to set them free. Even if it's against your wish.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As the tag said, it's my take on Viktor's thoughts when the confrontation happened. The feels are still fresh to me, and I'll be writing Yuuri's on the separate fic. 
> 
> I wanted the episode to be narrated by Viktor before it was released, but now I'm thankful it's not. Yuuri needs to see how his thoughts were proven wrong. Viktor wants to stay beside Yuuri, but the moment he went to Yakov after Yuuri's Free Skate to say that he would come back, he respects Yuuri's initial decision. It goes against what he wants but if it's for Yuuri, he would let him go. It's unconditional love and if it isn't, I don't know what is.
> 
> Also, hands up for my friend Louise who persuaded me to post this thing. Pasaway ka Lou dinadala mo ako sa feels train how dare you-- //sends hugs and kisses

“After the Final, let’s end this.”

 

Hearing those words made my heart stop. My face felt numb, my hands became cold and my head feels so dizzy that the world felt like it was spinning fast.  What’s going on? Yuuri’s leaving me? What did I do wrong?

 

“Huh?”

 

His expression was unreadable as he went on, “You’ve done more than enough for me, Viktor.” I couldn’t believe what I’m hearing, but it’s all loud and clear that it deafens me. “Thanks to you, I was able to give everything I had for my last season.”

 

This was a thing of my nightmare, and to see it happening as we talk makes me think of how lost and empty I feel now.

 

I lost Yuuri Katsuki today.

 

He bows to me and all I feel is numbness.

 

“Thank you for everything, Viktor. Thank you for being my coach.”

 

I let my tears fall, not bothering to hide how painful this feels for me. Is this how Yuuri felt when I said those words to him? I know I fucked up in comforting him but why is he leaving me? Why now? Why now that we were happy and--

 

“Damn...” I bitterly said. “I didn’t expect Katsuki Yuuri to be such a selfish human being.”

 

I want to know why he’s doing this.

 

“Right. I made this selfish decision on my own.” He replied. “I’m retiring.”

 

More tears filled my eyes and overflowed on my face. My sight went even blurry, I can’t feel my face now, I’m trying my best not to shake, not to lash out on him. What about my wish? Did he forget that or did he ignore my feelings? Why did he made this decision without me? Why now?

 

_Did everything that happened between us not mattered to him?_

 

He moves my fringe to the side, as if to take a closer look at my face. It pisses me off, how he looks so calm like that.

 

“What are you doing, Yuuri?” I ask, my hands itching to move. I hate it when he looks at me like that. Like it’s impossible for me to cry, his hero Viktor Nikiforov.

 

“Oh, I’m just surprised to see you cry.”

 

Anger rushed in my veins, adrenaline filling my whole body.

 

“I’m mad, okay?” It was when my hand slapped his, ignoring how strong my slap inflicted.

 

He immediately gets defensive, “You’re the one who said it was only until Grand Prix Final!”

 

That was before I’ve known the real you. I wasn’t as committed then. He only fueled my frustrations further.

 

“I thought you needed my help more.”  I tried my best to keep my tone as neutral as possible. My tears don’t stop from falling and the world spins faster but I have to make him understand--

 

“Aren’t you making a comeback? You don’t have to worry about me--”

 

**“How can you tell me to return to the ice while saying you’re retiring?!”** I grasp at his shoulders and glared as hard as I could, _“You’re the one who brought back love and life to me and how dare you take that away from me!”_

 

His face was stunned, but I went on,

 

**_“YES, I LOVE TO SKATE BUT THE LUSTER IT HAD WAS LONG LOST UNTIL YOU CAME IN MY LIFE. IT’S NOT THE SAME IF YOU LEAVE. I DON’T WANT TO SKATE ANYMORE IF IT MEANS I’M LOSING YOU! WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!”_** My voice reached its’ limit with that scream and I could only suck deep breaths, my body shaking so badly and lose my grasp on him. I don’t want to ever let go, but no matter what I say, it’s his decision in the end. I barely felt him as his arms wrapped around me, knowing it’s not the same anymore. My cries are muted, and I felt him cradling me. _“Don’t go.”_ was my last whisper.

 

He was so warm and I bask in his embrace.

 

I love him so much that I have to let him choose. Give him his choice.

 

The morning came and it’s time for me to fix myself up.  I didn’t like it, I never did, but it’s for his sake. After we have dressed up and got ready to warm up for the Free Skate, I made sure to tell him before we face the music,

 

“We’ll make our own decisions after the free skate.”

 

He looks at me with what I can tell as pity. He nods mutely in agreement and I’ve accepted this.

 

I promised myself that I will respect whatever he chooses, even if it means he would leave me.

 

* * *

  


Extra, after the Free Skate:

 

It felt surreal, that Yuuri wanted me to be his coach for another year. I hold him tighter just the same tightness as he’s holding me right now. My heart was truly his, and letting go isn’t an option anymore.

 

“I-I’m sorry, Viktor.” He whispered to me while he clung, sobs starting to get louder and louder. “I really am. I...I only thought I am doing you a favor, to let you go back to skating and be free without me...!” His face was all messy now, but I could hardly care about that. “I thought, with you being my coach I was only holding you down. You looked like you missed the ice.” I embraced him and caressed his hair to reassure he was forgiven. “But I...I hurt you. Bad.” He buried his face on my neck, still sobbing in sheer guilt.

 

“I hurt you too, Yuuri. Remember the Cup of China?” That was a stupid thing for me to have done. “You see, it was wrong for me to break your heart in order for you to be motivated and work harder. It worked on me before and my judgement to use it on you was very uncalled for. I still regret doing that.”

 

“We didn’t mean to hurt each other. We’re stupid like that.” He said it so softly that I wanted to believe it. It was true, and yet it doesn’t negate our faults.

 

“You know what I think, Yuuri?” I said as I pulled back to make him face me again. “We need to talk more often about what we really feel. Only then we can avoid hurting each other like we did before.” I hold out my pinkie. I’ve read this tradition in Japan, that should we make a promise, the pinkie has to go if we break it. “I promise.”

 

“I promise.” He held out his pinkie and entwined it with mine.

**Author's Note:**

> nOW YOU CAN MAKKACHOKE ME--
> 
> P.S. To those who are waiting for my update on my riren omegaverse With You, I Dream...I could only hope I can post the next chapter tomorrow. My internet is shitty as fuck.


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